Why not?

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a way for me to express how upset I am without anyone knowing. Somewhere Where i could get away with it that made me feel a little more at home than facebook or some journal. Then I recalled from the back of my mind a place where I hadn’t been in awhile: Tumblr.

Blogging has gotten so big lately and I wanted a little bit of the action, too. Where else in the worl are you accepted as much as you are on the internet. Sure, sometimes people say hurtful things, but it’s so much easier to brush of written word than word of mouth. Cause everywhere you turn on the internet there also seems to be something just as uplifting as whatever or whoever put you down.

I turned twenty this year and growing up has been at the forefront of my mind. I’ve been dropping friends left and right, who needs people who can’t leave high school behind? I sure don’t. I want friends that can speak their mind about me, when they have a problem with me I want them to confront me about it, not just let me hear about it from the gossip mill like we’re back in high school, back in that old he said she said way of things.

I don’t think my friends quite grasp the concept of growing up and moving on. My mother told me “It doesn’t change no matter how old you get, there will always be people like that, no matter how old you are or they are” and she’s right. Sure 20 isn’t actually that old, but I am an adult and I know when it’s time to just plain quit. I grew up, I tell people to their faces if I have a problem with them and why. I don’t act like a 5 year old and hate for no reason. Sometimes I’m selfish, and sometimes I step on people’s toes. But surprise, surprise, that’s human nature.

I just, I can’t do it anymore. They always seem to place the blame on someone other than me though when I tell them how I feel. They say things like “Well you don’t realy mean that” “This is because of your boyfriend” “You’ve changed ever since you started dating *insert name here*”.

You know what I believe? I think that they are so unhappy with themselves, they feel so unnoticed, that they take it out on whoever steps on their toes first. Like when you ignore an animal, eventually it becomes resentful and spiteful, slashing it’s claws at you.

Maybe one day they’ll realize that eventually they’re just going to have to grow up and learn not to give two shits about the little things. So what if you had plans with a friend and they forget or cancel. SHIT HAPPENS. So what if your friends don’t text you all day. SHIT HAPPENS. You get over it and life moves on. My boyfriend has nothing to do with how I feel or what I say, because he doesn’t run my life or pick my friends. In fact he has no say in what I do, where I go, or who I see. If you knew him better, you’d know that. You know what happend? I grew up. I took a step outside and viewed everything from the outside looking in, and you know what I saw? How stupid and insignificant whatever your mad about is. Because unless I killed your loved one, you have no reason to be aclling me selfish.

Don’t you think it’s time to grow up? Don’t you think it’s selfish that you want me to yourselves because you’re alone? Because I won’t give in to your every beck and call? Don’t you think it’s selfish to call me selfish cause I’m happy and you’re not?

Yeah, I’m the selfish one.